Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Are we still banned from the library?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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