you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
