so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
