Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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