i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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