I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You don't make any sense
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