The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
there is glitter all over my balls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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