I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
