My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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