im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
