hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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