listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
