You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
