martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
