Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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