Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
