I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
