it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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