I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
