Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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