dude i'm inner monologue high
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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