im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
