fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
