At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
