Don't you send me to vm
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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