his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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