the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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