sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
