I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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