You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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