Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
