Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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