Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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