just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
