Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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