he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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