Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
