I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
