He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
