upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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