If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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