Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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