y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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