Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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