I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
