I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
