I'm really into asian looking animals
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
