I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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