STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
