Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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