I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
