im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
