I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
