Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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