Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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