kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
