I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
