I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
