Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
one might say we're banned from that church
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
