At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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