addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
