Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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