i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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