i love accidental penises.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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