She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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