I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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