just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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