I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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