just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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