he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
