the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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