I wish I could teleport
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
