I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
