Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
