I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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