too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
