People with herpes should wear stickers.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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