i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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