I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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