just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
