Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
