I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
