i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
