Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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