I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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