Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
