Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
