Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
