You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
